一個模範丈夫的自述

昨天和老婆下象棋，五招之後我便勝局在望。

老婆臉拉長了，硬說馬可以走"田"字，因為是千里馬。我忍了。
又說兵可以倒退走，是特種兵。我忍了。
後來又說非得讓象過河，因為是小飛象。我也忍了。
最過分的是炮可以不用隔棋或者隔兩個以上都可以打。因為是高射炮。我還是忍了。
忍無可忍的是車居然可以拐彎，還振振有詞說哪有車不能拐彎的嗎？這些我全部都忍下來了，繼續艱難鎖定勝局……

但最後，她竟然用我的士，幹掉了我的將。說這是潛伏了多年的間諜，特意派來做卧底的。
最後，她贏了……

於是，她愉快地去洗衣服做飯了。
哈哈……開心快樂多重要!聰明的老公,家和萬事興！
各位人地 daddy, 祝父親節快樂。😉🍷🍻

笑話一則

有位建築公司的大老闆香咗, 到地府報到, 閻王問他:
"你希望上天堂, 還是下地獄?"

地產商說:"我可以先參觀嗎?"

閻王:"當然可以".
"這樣吧!第一天讓你參觀天堂, 第二天再參觀地獄, 第三天我再問你希望上天堂還是下地獄."

終於到了第三天, 閻王問地產商:"你決定如何?"

地產商:"天堂真的很美, 但是人很少, 很冷清.
"地獄不但人多, 而且我還看到好多同行的朋友, 都在—起唱歌、喝酒、聊天, 還有辣妹陪侍, 所以我決定到地獄去."

結果, 地產商立即就分配到地獄, 但他一報到立刻被執行上刀山. 下油鍋的酷刑.

地產商受刑後, 飽受委屈,向閻王申訴:"為什麼我參觀地獄時所見的場景與事實完全不一樣?"

閻王:"虧你自己是發展商.."

"你參觀的是"示範單位"😝😐

母親節趣事

誠意送上餐譜之烹調秘笈📜'
這是二千年前的秘方🔎，你們能否學懂，'煮出味道？

1. 炒大鑊🔥時，可用豆角，但大忌用《口角》火上加油去《吵》，否則會煮到傑橽橽💥

2. 煲湯🍵切勿落《腰心》和《腰肺》，味道會變得苦澀👅

3. 午餐忌煮《日鵝》，晚餐忌煮《夜鵝》，日哦夜哦，睬你都傻🌝🌚。

4. 愛侣宜多吃含豐富《坦白質》🍳食物。

5. 食物宜用《溫油》🍶，忌醋味太濃。

6. 老人家的餸菜，宜多用《孝蔘》
和《關蔘》長年累月烹調💕

7. 飯後可吃點湯丸，除了紅豆蓉、芝麻蓉外，更可用《包容》作餡料，絕對是潤而不噪，甜而不漏的好甜品🍡

8: 要煮得出色， 我們要懂得調教味道，兩個調教味方法不可少: 《不計較》和《不比較》😋。

人世間最幸福的味道，莫過於在每一餐飯後，懂得欣賞一場付出畢生心血和汗水的舞蹈💃💃💃
並由心感恩，送上熱烈的掌聲
👏👏👏🎉🎊。
這個舞蹈的名稱，叫《慈舞》👵👩。

祝各位母親節快樂！☺

Mahathma Gandhi

Funny side of Mahathma Ghandhi . 

When Mahathma Gandhi   was studying law at the University College, London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely.

One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room when Ghandi  came along with his tray & sat next to the professor.

The professor said,
"Mr Ghandi  , you do not understand, *a pig & a bird do not sit together to eat.*"

Ghandji looked at him as a parent would a rude child & calmly replied,
*"You do not worry professor. I'll fly away,"*
& he went & sat at another table.

Mr. Peters,  reddened with rage, decided to take revenge.

The next day in Class he posed the following question:
"Mr.ghandi , if you were walking down the street & found a package, & within was a bag of wisdom & another bag with money, which one would you take ?"

Without hesitating, Ghandji responded, "The one with the money, of course."

Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said,
"I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom."

Mahathma Gandhi  shrugged & responded, *"Each one takes what he doesn't have."*

Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Mahathma Ghandi's exam sheet the word "IDIOT"
& gave it to Ghandi

Ghandji took the exam sheet & sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A  few  minutes later, Mahathma Ghandhi got up, went to the professor & told him in a dignified polite tone,

"Mr. Peters, *you signed the sheet*, but you did not give me the grade .

向上和向下讀

【转帖】中國文化, 真是绝妙

          春
          似酒
          味醇厚
          歲月悠悠
        轉身又回首
      再無喜樂哀愁
    往事如煙花依舊
  唯友誼綿長如水流
緣牽一路有你陪著走
晨曦襯彩霞雨中漫遊
待到紅葉濃時再聚首
  品茶論酒賞石敘舊
    落英滿地雲舒袖
      歡聲笑語不休
        夕陽掛枝頭
          紅塵看透
          別無求
          靜候
          春

工作忙的由上而下讀；
已退休的由下向上念，
感受不同啊！