Future Google

The way things are going...

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:

    Is this Pizza Hut?

 

GOOGLE:    

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

 

CALLER:  

I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

 

GOOGLE:  

No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

 

CALLER:  

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

 

GOOGLE:  

Do you want your usual, sir?

 

CALLER:

My usual? You know me?

 

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

 

CALLER:  

Super! That’s what I’ll have.

 

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

 

CALLER:  

What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

 

GOOGLE:  

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

 

CALLER:  

How the hell do you know that?

 

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

 

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.

 

GOOGLE:

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

 

CALLER:  

I bought more from another Pharmacy.

 

GOOGLE:  

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

 

CALLER: 

I paid in cash.

 

GOOGLE:  

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

 

CALLER:  

I have other sources of cash.

 

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

 

CALLER:    

WHAT THE HELL!

 

GOOGLE:  

I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

 

CALLER:  

Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

 

GOOGLE:      

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future 🤖

廣東話童謠

慢慢失傳的廣東話童謠

月光光，照地堂；年卅晚，摘檳榔；檳榔香，嚼子薑；子姜辣，買蒲達；蒲達苦，買豬肚；豬肚肥，買牛皮；牛皮薄，買菱角；菱角尖，買馬鞭；馬鞭長，起屋樑；屋樑高，買張刀；刀切菜，買籮蓋；籮蓋圓，買隻船；船浸底，浸親兩個番鬼仔；一個蒲頭，一個浸底；一個摸茨菇，一個摸馬蹄。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

點蟲蟲，蟲蟲飛，飛到荔枝基；荔枝熟，摘滿屋；屋滿紅，伴住個細蚊公。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

排排坐，食粉果；豬拉柴，狗透火；貓兒擔凳姑婆坐；坐埋一齊唱支歌。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

"凼凼"轉，菊花園；炒米餅，糯米團；亞媽佢叫我去睇龍船；

我唔睇，要去睇雞仔；雞仔大，拎去賣；賣咗幾文錢；

我買隻風車仔，佢轉得好好睇，睇佢凼凼轉啊菊花園，

睇佢凼凼轉啊凼凼轉啊轉。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

ABCD，大頭綠衣；捉人唔到，吹BB。

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河邊有隻羊，羊邊有隻象，象邊有隻馬騮仔，好似你噉樣。

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點指兵兵，點指賊賊，點著誰人做大兵，點著誰人做大賊。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

落大雨，水浸街，亞哥擔柴上街賣，亞嫂落地著花鞋，花鞋花襪花腰帶，珍珠蝴蝶兩邊排。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

賣懶去，買精歸，賣左懶仔過新年，食過年飯好種田。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

賣懶，賣懶，賣到年三十晚，人懶我唔懶。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

細蚊仔，SIR滑梯，因住跌落嚟；咪學陳德貴，成日流鼻涕，跌親籮柚唔好睇。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

拍大髀，唱山歌，人人話我冇老婆，的起心肝娶翻個，有錢娶個嬌嬌女，冇錢娶個豆皮婆，豆皮婆，食飯食得多，屙屎屙兩籮，屙尿沖大海，屙屁打銅鑼。

** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

大家識得唱幾多？

疫情下的天庭2

原來有下集……🤭🤭🤭

玉帝沒好氣再問：哪吒呢？

答： 哪咤用完酒精洗手，點知成身著🔥燒傷入廠（唔記得自己腳踏風火輪）

 玉帝離開前問：為何沒見海龍王呢？

眾神仙答：很多郵輪出事，龍王躲在深海處，以策安全。。。

玉帝問: 上次俾咗成盒口罩佢，點解佢都唔嚟開會？

眾神回答：佢都入咗醫院。

玉帝大驚，問：乜戴咗口罩都出事？

眾神回答：咁佢又唔喺中招，祗是個個都用消毒酒精洗水渠，搞到成個東海Ｄ水，都喺１比９９，所以海龍王入咗醫院洗胃！

疫情下的天庭

眾神仙在天庭聚集開例會...

玉皇大帝問： 很久沒有見千手觀音， 有沒有他消息？

回答：他仍未洗完手啊...

玉帝再問： 四面佛在哪？

答： 他不夠口罩啊

玉帝又問：二郎神那裏去？

答： 他找不到第三隻眼的保護鏡呀...

玉帝甚為不悅，說： 還有誰未到？

答： 關公面紅疑似發燒， 自我隔離中... 唐三藏取西經後未能入境...

玉帝問：點解何仙姑，鉄拐李果幾條友都冇浦頭呢?

答： 八仙多過4個人聚集俾人拉左 😇

最後玉帝無可奈何宣布休會至少十四天至另行通知。

玉帝沒好氣再問：哪吒呢？

答： 哪咤用完酒精洗手，點知成身著🔥燒傷入廠（唔記得自己腳踏風火輪）

玉帝環顧天庭內竟無一仙女在場，追問可解？眾仙家答道皆因仙女們經常聚集跳舞，被列入高危群組，需自我隔籬十四天。

玉帝最後問：閻羅王嗰邊情況係點。

眾神仙答：只有佢，仍然未封關 🤪

🤣😂

情緒

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